CNY with my grandma...

hey.. its Chinese new year! A rather.. maybe very plain chinese new year, probably because i'd been working.. my mum's working, my sis running out every daylight, bro in the camp, leaving my old singapore maternal grandma to clean up the house. But hey!!! i did try having the eve and the eve of eve of cny to try cleaning up the house, but it seems the enormous task which used to be a teamwork by every member of my family above, cannot be done!! lol... so, we'll have to make do with it this year!! lol...
Finally got to see my uncles and aunties during the reunion dinner. Its not as if that they nvr visit my grandma, but they do used to do it on a weekly basis on sunday, making my house a buzz with all those majongs. Perhaps the kids are grown up, my cousins, aunties are seldom seen on sundays. Its a great feeling thou.. to have the family back. Hmmm... as usual, my fifth uncle's side is missing. Well, they do come on Chu Yi thou..
lol.. dunno what i typing..
after the reunion dinner, i went to watch Ah long pte ltd. lol.. A very disappointing show. As in, its not the kind of really entertaining show we'd been expecting all these years from Jack Neo, but its really not that good.
As usual, i went back to malaysia with my mum to visit my grandma. Its quieter this year. my second uncle is back but not his children and wife. they had kind of a tiff. However, to me. i think that no matter what differences, we, as the grandchildren or children, shd go back and visit our very own grandma, one who's been very very caring to us all these years. Our grandpa who is always sleeping now, not remembering anyone or anything, but once a great cook and one who took us out, taught us how to drink tea the traditional way.
My grandma's health has been really bad as compared to last year. She's 92. Last year, she can walk, cook, talk. Not this year. She suffered a stroke late last year. Docs gave her no hope. She's on the line of death, but miracles do happen. She survived! I'm glad!
But this visit's really giving my excruciating pain. The way she's struggling, calling my aunt every moment, every minute. Not having the strength to even stand up, having to wear pampers, not eating as much. Life's never been the same whenever i go back to my grandma's house now. There's no more of the familiar voice calling me to eat, eat more, and giving me more when i finished eating. No more of the calls for my to pray to Guan Yin when i reached the house and no more of a voice to ask me to drink water. No more of a hand to feel my hand. Instead, the once healthy body of her has been gone. Lying on the bed constantly is her frail little body. She lost so much weight. She couldn;t even remember what she asked me. asking me several times. My heart aches. Aching for my grandma and my aunt who has to be on the their side constantly. Not taking care of babies but 2 big adult babies.
I thought about those days when i'm still a kid, those years when i spend my months at my grandma's house yearly. I missed them. I missed those moments. Feeling the tears filling my eyes, rolling down my cheeks whenever i thought of those healthy moments of them and the frail moment that they are having now. This prompts some thoughts: One can have a wonderful life, giving happiness to everyone and having a skill thats so great. But what do u do with that when u are old, losing ur memories day by day? In the end, only sadness will prevail.
Know what? the most heart wrenching thing is when i'm gonna go home. i went to my grandma. shook her, told her that i'm going home.
she asked:" Who are u?"
I replied:" I'm ah lun ah!!! Singapore's ah lun... ur youngest daughter's son."
She loved me lots...
She asked again:" u had not come for a long long time."
To that, I replied:" Got!! i just came late last year."
She nodded.
Struggling to get up. I sensed that she wanna send me off at the gate, like usual. But she's so WEAK now!! i wun have the heart to see her do this.
She insisted.
I helped her up, sitting on her bed. Then to her wheel chair. bringing her to the living room.
She said with a familiar sentence, one which i had heard whenever i go to her house. A very weak voice:" Go. Pray to guan yin pu sa. tell her u are going home. ask her to bao you u."
i went on. I prayed not for me but for her to get well soon. i sincerely do.
then she sat on her wheel chair, by the gate.
i got onto the car.
Slowly, the car moved off. she waved her hands gently, bidding me good byes. i held my tears. waving my hands too. The scenario this year hadn't been the same as all the previous times.
I'm afraid that this will be my last time waving to her. i'm really afraid. I hope she'll live on. her health improving daily.
Grandma, I LOVE U!

Charm: Life isn't great without those people u love around.